Unconcious Rantings

Because I am so bored at work and because I have not slept in weeks, I have had WAY too much time to think - about everything. They say that women get "hormonal" when they are pregnant. I am not convinced it's not hormones. It's actually because we are TIRED and the hours of lying awake at night leaves us with lots of time to re-live "real" happenings or create imaginary scenarios in our head. You know the kind - when you actually wake up frustrated, anxious or mad at someone - not because they have done anything, but because you created a scene in your head all night?

Poor Peter wakes up to find that I already have a list of things that need to get done today, this week, this season and this lifetime. I am also convinced that if these things don't get done the big blue sky will actually fall. By the time he rolls out of bed I have solved half of the world's problems and don't understand why he doesn't read my mind and catch up! The nerve.

I do recognize the inconvenience of planning someone else's life while they are sleeping. It might actually be a definition of craziness. Thank God we have girlfriends for this sort of thing. I can call and scream into a phone and then by the end of the conversation I realize I need to SLOW DOWN and remember that my plans for solving the economic crisis, our unborn child's middle school choices, Thanksgiving 2010, and our birthing plan should be discussed with a fully conscious husband BEFORE I accuse him (in my head) of not understanding me.

Thank goodness for grace, forgiveness and a sense of humor (for yourself and others).

I am off to nap on the floor of the Shop now. We have had ZERO customers and after trying to light the wood burning stove and smoking the place out, I think the carbon monoxide will be a nice sleep inducer.

The Sky Chair & Marriage

I wish I had a sweet and romantic story to tell you about our wedding present from The Cox's and Blank's. No, not yet. We received our chair for our wedding in October. It has been in the box through the winter (silly to hang a tree chair in the middle of MT winter) and I have been subtly annoying Peter to hang it since May. I really would try to hang it myself, I like to do things on my own, but I am not good at knots, and I am certain that I would have chosen a bad place to hang it and been given the 3rd degree. SO, patiently (and not so patiently I waited and hinted).

This morning was the morning it found it's new home in our backyard elm tree. This morning is also the perfect illustration of the ridiculous bickering that can occur between a tired fly fishing guide and a stubborn and sometimes needy wife.

#1) Summer is busy - very busy in our household. Most people love summer... have lazy days, do anything days, free time to choose your favorite leisurely activity each day.... Not even close around here. Our days are waking at 6:00, out by 7:00, driving, working, making it home by 7:00 if we are lucky, running straight to "have fun with friends" - which always feels rushed and almost painful, as no relaxation really occurs and you are both so exhausted anyways, you are no fun to be around and can't carry on a decent conversation to save your life. This year, the house has gone to the dogs. Literally. The 3 boys spend more time per day in our home than we do. They have remodeled the flower beds with lovely 10 inch deep holes and added a splash of red, black and brown to the house- courtesy of their fur.

Any attempts to keep up with the house or maintenance project gets thrown into the mix of the madness - all half way attempts to keep our heads above water.

#2) These guys are TIRED. They (fishing guides in general) spend all day in the sun, roasting. They row a boat all day, while instructing, while entertaining and doing all the little technical fishy stuff in between. They drive an average of 80 miles / day on top of it. Then, when they get home, they do it again. No day off, no weekend day to catch up on things. Then they do this from June - and of September. A single day off is like treasure and ends up being a curse --- it's just a teaser for what they won't have again for a month (if they are lucky). So, I was warned when I started dating Peter that he is "a bear" in the middle of the summer. When Peter gets tired (any time of year) he is not the kid that would be picked for Mr. Congeniality. When he's not tired, he is absolutely perfect, which makes the tired times all worth it, but boy were they right - surly he can be and ONLY when tired, a bit on the cranky and irrational side! When Peter is tired he's like the toddler that fights a nap... So deliriously tired he has no idea how tired he is and everything around him is just fueling the fire. Everyone else on the planet is being a jerk or crazy - but no, not him - he's rational and right. He is at his most stubborn during this mid-summer madness. It's a great combination too. I (not forgetting my idiosyncrasies and role in this relationship) am so darn stubborn that I start needing to really prove my points or be right. I get sick of being perceived the mean gal - so I actually pick fights with The Bear, just to see if he will see past his own tired insanity and not think I am the nag, crazy person, whatever. I pull out the "prove that I am right" conversations in the midst of it all, usually at the worst times -- how DUMB is that? Fully knowing that he physically can't change his mindset - I can't let it go some days and just smile and ignore it. No, I try to "communicate" at irrational times. Also, part of the fun mix - I am not an ignorer - I like constant communication and interaction - and Peter is in a daze at this time of year. He can actually look through you and I run around like a needy Golden Retriever needing attention- or wanting to give attention. Which annoys the tired Bear and the cycle begins all over again.

#3) Little tiny projects should NOT be done before 7:00am or with the Golden Retriever / Bear combo in the summer, 30 minutes before Peter leaves to fish for the day. Yes, I finally broke him down and annoyed him enough to hang our Sky Chair. I had romantic fantasies in my head of him hanging it, me gently guiding him as to where the PERFECT spot would be to hang it.... We laugh a bit and then sit together in it and drink our coffee. Reality was: soft yelling, rolling of the eyes, asking me to "test it" and I hit the ground, me correcting the position of it and being accused of not being happy with ANYTHING EVER... Ah, lovely. So, the Retriever asks if we can see if it will hold us both (fantasy still in my head somewhere) and the response is NO! this will NEVER hold 2 people so you better not try it - EVER. SHOT DOWN! Ouch. So, back to reality. Chair is crooked, Peter's pissed, Brooke looks like a kicked dog, he rushes out the door as it goes every morning and all I can do is think of the 16 things I need to do before I go to my SECOND job in 2 hours.... While all this is going on, our poor friend Billy stayed the night and is witness to it all.

Ah, the joys of summer and lover's quarrels. Thank goodness I love the guy to death and that he puts up with my antics. Those reading this that know us know that Peter and I are actually quite nice, really do adore each other, and aren't suprised in the least at this series of events... I am sure many can relate. If it's not the Sky Chair, it's something else. Right? Tell me this happens to other people?