Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Wow Baby

Little One,

Nights are so funny.  I love that as I settle down from my day and after I have put or bubbling, busy Matine to bed I have time to spend alone and uninterrupted with you.  You are already so loved, so anticipated, and so uniquely you.  I can feel your little spirit and personality already and I love it.  I think you like to make your presence known.  Currently, you are doing so by residing right up under my lungs and ribs.  As silly as this sounds and as much as you hear people complain about this uncomfortable stage of pregnancy (it's no picnic), I laugh because I truly am grateful.  I am so thankful that you are growing.  That you move and shake and poke and kick.  You are preparing every minute for your entrance into this crazy world of light and noise and activity.  Each kick and punch and piercing blow to my pelvis is your way to getting strong and bold and ready.  I admire that.

I thought Mattie moved a lot in my belly, but you move ALOT and either my memory is totally warped or you are much bigger than your sister was at this stage.  It just feels fuller in there.  Tonight as I read books to Matine, she picked out 2 princess books that she thought YOU would like and when I kissed her good night, all on her own, she asked if she could kiss my belly and the baby.  Do you hear her little voice?   She loves you so much already too!

Five weeks - that is all we have left.  Last night I could swear labor was starting.  It was a few hours of pretty consistent contractions and intense tightening of the belly.  While I am a big pusher for full term (and then some) babies, they say it would be safe to have you now.  I hope you stay in there and fatten up a bit more.

This weekend I am getting some "belly / maternity" pics taken by the uber-talented and lovely Meggan Carrigg Davidson.  She is our family's unofficial photographer and just an all around terrific friend.  I am excited to capture this burgeoning belly and emotions that come along with it.

Our friend Emily told me yesterday that she had a dream about us.  She said I delivered you three weeks early and you were a BOY!  Are you?  I think you are.  That has been my hunch from the beginning.  Your dad thinks you are a girl.  Your sister says you are a "brother."  Micca thinks you are girl.  Madeleine goes back and forth and Sally thinks you are girl.  Nana Jo thinks boy and every person who we see has an opinion.

I just want you healthy, calm, happy, and HERE!  I have experienced a lot of anxiety (not because of you) and stress this pregnancy.  I know it is self defeating and creating more stress, but I worry and ironically "stress" about hurting you or affecting your development through my thoughts, sleeplessness and worry.  I sure hope not.  I try to breath deep, speak positive things into your little life and focus on all the beautiful things I want you to experience in your life.   Regardless of the hard things in this life, I know you will bring so much joy and clarity to my life.  You are meant to be.  You are meant to be born at this very time into our lives.  You have great purpose and timing.  I am thankful to be your mom and see what you will be and what unique stamp you will bring to this life.

I think you like the cats.  At night when you are really active and seem to be bouncing all around, Fez will cuddle up on my belly or right next to it and start purring really loud - You immediately chill out and get more still.  I think you can hear each other.  I like thinking about that connection.

I have my 35.5 week appointment tomorrow with our darling Doctor Coleman.  I think I will be going every week after this point - wow! Time has FLOWN by! I am so grateful for another easy, uneventful pregnancy and let's hope the delivery goes as smoothly.  I would ask that it not stretch over THREE days like it did with Matine!  Can we work on that?  I will do my best to bring you into this world as peacefully and patiently as you like (if you can make it painless and quick, that would be appreciated!) - Ha!  Just get here - safe and happy little one - there are people anxious to meet you and start memorizing your face!

I love you,

Your momma

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