Friday, September 18, 2009

How to Throw a Party and Be a Party Pooper

I decided to get my act together, have my friends over, and try to cook a real bonifide dinner again. I have been "cooking" lately of course (a gal's gotta eat), but they have been pretty effortless meals. I have also been trading off cooking duty with my mom. it has been so fun having dinner with her each night and being able to just show up at her house with dinner ready for me. It's grand have mom down the street!

So, I impromptu call a bunch of guys and gals and got "yes's" from Christina, Jacqueline, Leah and baby Ruben, Sally and Brian and their little gals Camille and Audrey, Laurie and my mom.

I decided to cook this YUMMY lasagna that Leah had brought me after having Matine and I have been salivating just thinking about it for 3 months now. I purchased some fresh veggies at the Farmer's Market on Wednesday night for the meal . . . Couldn't wait. I asked myself, now "why haven't you been cooking and entertaining more Brooke - you have so much fun doing it."

Well, this is why:

The plan was to cook the lasagna's all day and do bits at a time between Matine napping and my regular house stuff. I would be ready to pop them in the oven minutes before everyone arrived that way. I would have the table set, wine opened, my mess put away, dessert all prepped and Matine napped and clean and looking darling as my friends show up.

Earlier that day was spent cleaning up the house (I had much more to do than I had anticipated), a few work things came up, and mom and I took a bike ride to the grocery store to get the rest of the ingredients for the meal. Of course I spend hours of this time admiring and playing with my cuddly huggable baby girl. Morning gone. I can "prep" this afternoon. Well, last minute I get an appointment with my hair gal to get my hair cut and highlighted... That was from 1:30-3:00. Had to take it - starting to look depressive.

At 3:00 I get home, Matine is ripe for her nap. Perfect timing so thinks the unknowing mother. She will nap from 3-5 or so when people come. Aghem... not so much. Matine wide awake - completely happy and just wanting to play. She is put in the neglecto-saucer so we can visit, she can bang at the plastic monstrosity and I can cook and watch her at the same time.

All is going well. I peel and boil my potatoes for the sweet potato / ricotta concoction.


I check on baby --- oh so happy. Playing away, completely over stimulated and delirious with excitement over the large plastic object that makes 1,000 different noises.


I start to make my sauce - browning meat, onions, and ridiculous amounts of garlic . . .


All is going well - I hear my pots gurgling and boiling. I am sweating like a stuffed pig because it's almost 90 degrees in Montana in September and I have the oven pre-heating and all 4 burners on the stove turned on high. All is good.

Just as I am ready to take another picture of the Lasagna Process to entertain you readers I go over to give my darling girl a kiss.... What do I see? What is that? Oh no..... It was not the food I heard bubbling over . . .

It was my child's BUTT! (I warn you now, I took pictures of this, gross I know, because I didn't think I would even believe this myself later... avert your eyes now if you don't like seeing food pictures and poop pictures in the same reading).


No lie, these pictures don't even do it justice... There was SO much of it. She was just carelessly playing and dancing in the stuff. Having a ball, blissfully unaware that it was seeping out both sides of her body, down her legs and slowly filling the saucer. What you don't see is the majority of it that was sitting inside the chair part of the object... Filling UP HER BACK, being squeezed all the way to the nape of her neck!

As my meat is browning (burning) and my potatoes are boiling over, I yank her out as fast as I can and try not to drip it all the way through the house. I put her in the sink - she laughs and smiles. It is everywhere. I can't get her onesie over her head without the contents smearing over her ENTIRE body - chest, face, hair, neck, belly button. You name it. I put her under the faucet to get her clean. I still hear gurgling in the kitchen. I know it's only food this time. Well, it's gotta wait. People are showing up in 45 minutes.

Matine gets a quick bath, her clothes and towels needed to be burned. The frantic commotion of the sink bath and quick change didn't put her in the best mood (remember she was overdue for nap at this time anyways). She goes into a tailspin. 30 minutes till people arrive (other mom's who I delibrately planned to serve at 5:30 so they could get their wee-ones down for bed at normal hours). Lasagna's aren't even put together! Child crying. Upset and probably mad that she can't dance in her own poo in her plastic mansion.

20 minutes later I have baby sleeping, nursed, and clean. Back to the kitchen. What do I do first? Clean up the saucer or keep cooking? It would be not cool to have dinner still in prep stages when people get here, but even worse for them to come in the house to see human baby poo all over the house (they probably wouldn't want to eat anyways). So, I go to the saucer to clean it up... Wait - where did the mess go? I look over and see my mom's dog Annie and sweet Brutus laying in the vicinity of the war zone, licking their lips. AGHHHHHH. That's it, dogs outside. I might not want to eat now.

Well, part of my problem was solved. The saucer "looked clean" thanks to the furry housemaids. Back to the lasagna.

I sweat to death and somehow get MOST of it done before Jacqueline arrives. Poor Jacq... she somehow always shows up just early enough to all my dinner parties to have to be put to work. She puts out the appetizers that I hadn't even pretended to get to yet, pours me a glass of wine, and let the party begin.

I am sorry I don't have any more pictures of the delectable lasagna's - as you see - I got a little side tracked. So, why haven't I been entertaining and cooking like I used to again? Oh yeah, I HAD A BABY!!!!!

We had a great time. Thanks friends and family for being patient with your host, coming over, being my friends, and loving my poopy beautiful daughter as much as I do. I have been a bad blogger and been very neglectful of taking thorough pics lately... Others were here that are beautiful and I didn't get their pictures.

We are behind the row of diapers enjoying the perfect fall night... Taking down my laundry and putting it inside was one of the other tasks that was supposed to be taken care of before guests arrived. Oh well, at least they are cute. If you are in to decorating with diapers. It kind of went with the theme of the evening.

Beautiful Laurie with Matine

Baby Audrey Jane and momma Sally and daddy Brian

The charming and almost walking Ruben!!! I LOVE this boy. I am so glad they live 3 houses away. I can't wait for Matine and Rub to to play together.

8 comments:

lauren and brad said...

ok. you are officially superwoman. i was sure you were gonna say you gave up...but lo and behold...you got it ALL done anyway! you are amazing! lasagna is quite the feat for someone with a 3 month old! :)

Carissa said...

That cracks me up! If you haven't already...check out my post about the tailgate and you will see a very similar picture of Cohen is his exercauser, which we now affectionately call the "poopersaucer." :)

Meg Taylor said...

omg!!!!

Monica said...

omgosh Brooke! You should so seriously NOT ever be left alone! You crack me (and Bryan) up! I HAD to post a link to your blog on my FB page! You made me laugh so hard I cried! You should sooo write your blog up as a book and sell it!

Lee Holladay Vernon said...

Only a mother would take pictures of the poo. I am horrified - not just at what happened, but also at the realization that this would also be happening to me in just a few months. Thanks for the warning!

Meg Taylor said...

by the way, clever post title!

Janie Taylor said...

I don't know if I can read your blog anymore? Now that was really truly gross...between the meat cooking and the baby poop pictures....I may happily loose some weight just thinking about it before I ever eat again!!!! Te He! Re-title this blog ASAP and sell it...
How to Throw a Party and Be a Party Pooper & Loose Weight!!!! Love Ya!

Ashley said...

I think this was my favorite blog you have posted so far (at least of the ones that I have read)...I couldn't stop laughing, probably because I have also had a similar experience with our lovely Finn. Gotta love being a mom though, huh?

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